Suicide

The topic nobody wants to talk about. The act of intentionally causing your own death.

Who wants to admit that they were in such deep pain they could not conceive living another day.

It is excruciating to see someone you love struggling with the will to live. How do you convince them that no matter how bleak the situation is death is never the answer. There really is nothing you can say all you can do is be there for them, support them and pray that they win the massive internal battle between life and death.

I know my sister has been having a really hard time recently. I've witnessed her facing this inner conflict. I sat down with her, held held her hands and begged her to choose life. I pleaded with her to not give up. Told her I couldn't survive without her.

I knew exactly how she felt I've been there myself.

After my miscarriage I fell into a deep depression. I didn't leave the house for weeks. I stopped eating and spent days in bed.

I somehow managed to hide the worst from my husband, talk to friends and family like normal not wanting them to worry but inside I was screaming. I remember the feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. I would wake up in the morning and wonder if I would still be alive to watch the sun go down. I was in such a dark place I told myself no one would miss me, were better of without me.

The only thing that made me feel any better was looking at the medicine cabinet near my bed and knowing I could end it whenever I wanted. At one point the pull was so intense I took a key and locked myself out of the house not knowing if I could resist. It was at that point I made the decision for life over death. 

I wish I could do more for my sister, make the decision for her. But it is her fight only she has that power all I can do is hope she has the strength to make the right choice.