On addiction

There is a lot I can say about addiction. What ever the addiction is it can get to a point where it literally can take over your mind, your body, your life. All you are able to think about is how soon are you able to next engage in the destructive behaviour.

It is a scary place to be in the cravings, the urges the need to fulfill  the intense desire.

Although I am not battling with my addiction at the moment there are constant triggers that remind me of the cravings and each time it is a struggle to resist. Every time I am tempted to lose the battle and surrender I read this poem I wrote a while back.  I look at my daughter and know I need to win.

The trigger is pulled

the weights lowered

crushing

full

of my mistakes

parts of me I know exist

memories

I cannot forget

immense pressure

forced

to cower in fear

frightened

the addiction

overwhelms me

takes over my senses

I try to search

to reach

looking for strength

to hold

I lose control

give in

addicted

I have failed

The trigger is been pulled again

the weights lowered

heavy

full

of past mistakes

parts of me

I wish did not exist

memories

I struggle to forget

irresistible pull

forced

to bend in fear

afraid

it will overwhelm me

take over my senses

I search deep

for love

grab onto it

hold it

light as a feather

it gives me strength

to stand again

gain control

I have succeeded